English Grammar

Today in honor of my major (which ranks towards the bottom of the major totem pole), I have compiled some of my favorite quotes, horribly written sentences, and other interesting tidbits of presented language.

Poem by my friend Logan:

A friend girl of mine asked why boys are so stupid, and here is my response.

Boys seem so stupid because

You expect us to live by your laws,

Which some woman invents

And to us make no sense,

‘Cause they’re full of illogical flaws.

The best part is the ambiguous "they" in the last line, leaving the reader to decide whether the antecedent is "women" or their laws.


Fun with punctuation:

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy—will you let me be yours?
Jill

Dear Jack,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn! For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Yours,
Jill

No clue. Decipher the following sentence:

Could you have the sound of someone sighing or grown?

From a USA today article:

“But the children were later removed from school because payment for their tuition stopped and lived in a wooden shack.”

I didn’t know tuition could do that…


Last but not least, from an unedited work document:

1. Rich in anti-oxidants to help eliminate toxins and build immune systems.

Don’t we only have one immune system?

2. The Tahitians traveled the blue Pacific in canoes with four primary plants.

What do canoes with four plants look like? That would be interesting.

3. The fruit doesn't grow on farms or orchards.

Right. If it did, it would grow in them.

4. The splash of a wave, the laughter of children crowned with flowers

What does laughter crowned with flowers sound like?

5. Optional: dash of flavorful syrup.

Flavorful? Maybe flavored…

Email from a coworker:

Since there is a larger number than expected of team member participating from oversees, instead of calling each of you directly, I am asking that you call the conference number.

Maybe oversea is a verb that means "what foreign bosses do."